Starving MYSELF?!
Jan 6, 2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8drQnRaSLM

good morning everybody welcome back to
my channel and if you're new welcome to
my channel today is Monday January 6th
it is freezing this morning I am off to
counseling I haven't had counseling in
two weeks because of the holidays and
everything else
my counselor took a couple weeks off
which she deserves as she works hard but
um yeah so today is getting back into
the grind of reality and giving back on
a good schedule I woke up this morning
feeling a lot better a lot better I
still have a little bit of crud in my
lungs when they talk about it that's
when I got a cough
but otherwise I'm feeling good I'm just
hoping that starting today I'll start
getting my energy back because that I
think of anything that's been not one
thing that has really suffered is my
energy level has just been addict out of
zero so I'm just hoping that we can get
that back up so I can get back into
things that needs to be done
yesterday I know there are some people
that are like there's just no way she is
not eating no you guys really honestly
they needed not eat yesterday I I just
could not eat I hadn't killed carrots
yesterday try to think might have I had
two carrots and I had a hot dog last
night and that was it that's all I had
all day yesterday but again like I said
I'm hoping today I'm turning them around
you know and I'll get doing a little bit
better with my eating and stuff cuz
clearly I need to be eating I'm not you
know I've heard I'm not purposely trying
to like star myself and then like I know
that there's been some concerns because
I've been really low on calories and I
am aware of that
I know
it's I do the best I can and it's really
weird because it's like when I'm when
I'm watching what I eat is when I like
don't eat enough but what I'm not paying
attention then obviously I'm eating too
much because if I eat like this all the
time I would not have a weight problem
but I don't know and I feel like I feel
like I'm constantly eating but in
reality I know I'm not I I have not put
anything in my fitness foul in the last
couple days again cuz I haven't eaten I
mean yesterday like I said I had the two
carrots and a hotdog like I mean yeah I
could I could put that in my fitness pal
but it's kind of waste to me to sit
there and do that so I just decided to
wait until I was feeling better and back
up eating to start that I think there's
another one that I was told to look into
it's another app from cupcake vegan for
life so I'm gonna look into that one and
just see if I can figure that one out if
that one's just as easy as like doing my
Fitness Pal will My Fitness Pal I'm
still trying to figure the whole thing
out like because you can choose like
they're macros and all that stuff I
don't understand all about it honest to
god do not understand macros I don't
understand any of that type of stuff so
so for me it's like it gets really
confusing if I start trying to do all of
that so I just strictly stick with my
calories
like straight up that's what I try and
make sure that I stick with so I'm just
trying to right now just focus on my
calories which I mean honestly I need to
really focus on my calories because I've
just been really not getting enough in
in a day so that's kind of been what I'm
meaning to focus more on so that's what
I'm gonna kind of continue to focus on
is just my calories I mentioned going
zero carb I've had a lot of I will I've
had it like some people like all for it
like yeah I me you should just do that
and then I've had a lot of people come
to me and like that's like a disaster
waiting to happen
so I don't know if I'm gonna do that yet
or not 100% you know and I know that
people are like oh my god she's changing
this she's changing that okay well you
guys have to understand too is that I'm
doing this for a whole year and I want
to do what's going to be
aníbal for life but also terrain emits
nasty people are driving like psychos
but you know I just want for this to be
something that is it's gonna be a life
sustaining you know and that's like the
biggest thing for me is doing something
that is going to be sustainable for a
lifetime but also like I said yeah like
but I'm doing this for a year to get
used to it so you know if I need to
change things I can change things if I
don't need to change things that I don't
need to change things but at least you
know I am doing what I have to do in
order to become successful at what I am
doing and figuring out what's gonna work
best for me so yes there might be
changes there might be twists there
might be turns there might be ups there
might be downs but it's because I'm
trying to just figure this all out for
what's gonna work for me so
you know don't don't judge that as being
a failure already just because I'm
changing something because you know life
is all about change I mean we have to do
things differently until we can find
what works best for us and right now
that's exactly what I am doing I am
doing what I can to find out what's
gonna best work for myself and like I
said something that's sustainable that I
won't give up on because it's just too
much or too hard or whatever because I
can have a great weight loss and then
turn around and be like you know what
this is just so hard I retrack back to
the way I was before because it's not
something that sustainable and that's
why I'm being very picky with if I don't
feel something is you got to work for me
then let's change it let's let's do
something different
because eventually I'm gonna find what
works for me so anyways
other than that today I'm not doing 80
today is like gross so we are not doing
anything other than staying in our nice
warm house keeping warm
and that's it I don't think I'm gonna do
anything good morning everybody welcome
back to my channel and if you're new
welcome to my channel today is Monday
January sixth
and it is a nasty nasty blusterous gross
day here it's 45 degrees but it is like
nasty and raining and it's so dark and
gloomy but today I have counselling so
that is what I am out doing
I haven't had counselling in two weeks
because of the holidays and stuff like
that my counselor took some time off
which gosh
she works hard so she so deserves it so
we've had a break for a couple weeks so
now it's just getting back into the
grind of things and getting back into a
great schedule I woke up today feeling
better I mean I still not 100% clearly
but I'm feeling better I just I'm still
really stopped up like my nose my
sinuses but I think that will just clear
up on its own as the time goes by so I'm
hoping that I will be able to start
getting back into like a routine I know
the last couple of days has just really
sucked with my eating and everything I
know there's been a few people like
questioning like oh is it really real
that you're not eating yeah it is like I
mean most people well I'm not gonna say
most people there are people though that
when they're sick they just don't want
to eat and that's just how I am I don't
want to eat I like my energy is zapped
with the sickness so it's like enough
that
I try eat what I can yesterday legit I
am not even kidding you I had two
carrots and a hot dog yeah that's what I
eat yesterday oh yeah healthy I know so
um I I know one thing is I want to
really I told all yesterday that I want
to sit down and work on a two-week menu
figure out all the calories for the menu
figure out all them calories in that
menu so when I go to eat for those two
weeks I'll already have all my calories
counted out and stuff like that no I
haven't been doing obviously anything
with MyFitnessPal because I haven't
really eaten anything to be counted so
I've taken off with not doing my fitness
pal just right now until I start picking
up on my eating however I was also
suggested to try and use a different app
there was another app I can't think of
the name of it right off the top of my
head if I remember I'll try and put it
somewhere where you guys will know what
I'm talking about
um but cupcake vegan for life she
suggested did you look into that one so
I'm gonna look into that one today and
just see if I can't figure out how to
navigate maybe that one will even be
easier than my fitness felt I don't know
so I other than that I was just really
it I mean I haven't done a whole lot
because I've been so sick but I'm hoping
that I can kind of start getting back
you know my energy and get back onto a
routine because it's just this sickness
is like really took a toll on my whole
house because you know I mean I don't
have energy to do it really is not an
option so I don't know we'll see how I'm
doing but pretty much today I'm not
doing anything I'm just I'm good like I
said I'm going to counseling and then
going home it's too nasty to do anything
I don't want to get the kids out clearly
in this weather
that's not good weather actually no I do
have to go and do something shoot
well there's nothing I could do about it
so I do have to go out once today but
it's alright
guess that's doable but anyways other
than that that's it I haven't done a
whole lot of anything I will get back
into today recording my foods so you
guys will see that tomorrow and just be
as good as I can on trying to get as
many calories and as I can because I
know that I haven't been getting it
enough but like I said when I'm sick I
just don't want to eat I just have no
appetite so that's what pays the price
is my eating so anyways I am going to
close cuz I need to get into my
counseling office but I just kind of
wanted to do a check-in and you know say
good morning I also oh I wanted to
mention too I don't know if many people
are aware of there's another channel her
name is Kathy I will post her channel
down below in the description box she's
also on a weight-loss journey as well
and she's successfully have already lost
over 100 pounds and but she still has
weight to go and so she had contacted me
and Jen and asked if she could join in
with us and I was like absolutely you
know I mean why there's there's enough
room for everybody so we can all be a
support team for each other so she's
gonna join in on it now she's not
joining and she said on the the gifts or
the you know that type of stuff she's
not gonna do that but she really wants
to be a part of being accountable to the
weigh-ins and stuff like that and I'm
just like absolutely and Jen was totally
on
bored so like I said I will put her
channel down below if you haven't heard
of her jump over and check her out she
is a sweetheart I have been watching her
for over a year now she did take a
little bit of a break from YouTube just
because she was you know trying to get
some things you know situated in life
but she is definitely coming back this
year stronger than ever
and she like she said she's got some
extra weight that she wants to you know
obviously get off and if she could do it
with the accountability of me and Jen
and what we're doing that would be
amazing I'm like yeah so anyways her
name is Kathy and I like he said I will
put her link down below and jump over
and check her channel out you guys will
absolutely fall in love with her
but anyways I am going to close I need
to get into my counseling but I hope you
guys are all having a wonderful day and
it's not as a nasty there as it is here
because like I said today I will get
back on regimen of showing what I eat
and stuff like that because hopefully
I'll get back into at least getting some
food and calories into my body so sorry
false alarm I have to go do something
really quick so anyways but I just
wanted to say that you know I've seen a
couple people make comments like oh
she's already changed it she's doing
this she's done that yes I have and you
know this is a year-long thing that I'm
doing you know so of course I'm gonna
change things I'm gonna work things to
where it's gonna work for me you know
and so I don't want people to fixate on
what I said at the beginning because oh
my gosh that's what Amy said no just go
along with the flow please give me some
give me some slack you guys because I'm
trying my hardest you know yes this is a
challenge between me and Jen yes but at
the same time this is my life I'm trying
to get back together and this is me
trying to get my health back together so
at the end of the day whatever is gonna
work for me is what's gonna work for me
and that's what I'm gonna do so I just
wanted to put that out there that things
are gonna change okay and then also I've
seen people say well now she's not
giving the money out that she earns and
all this stuff okay here's the thing
here's the Jif of it all
I was approached by Jen to do this
challenge that something moldy or
something had given to a Merlin I'm not
really aware of it like 100% I'm not
sure what that challenge was but it was
a challenge or something like that so
she said do you want to do something
kind of like that was I'm sure you know
whatever so she was like you know we can
do like we talked about what it was
gonna be I was like well yeah you know
we can put in the dollar for every pound
we lose and then we can give that back
to our subscribers you know so they're
being able to be a part of this
challenge with us and she was like yeah
absolutely so we you know that's what we
were gonna do then when I said that on
my channel I had so many people flip out
about saying that I was going to give
money to you subscribers that people are
like well I'm not gonna accept it
because you need to keep it for your
family and you know you should be giving
money out like that yadda yadda yadda so
then I was like reading all these photos
that I thought well maybe I messed up
okay so maybe I shouldn't do that
because you know people are saying that
that's wrong
that's when I backtracked and said never
mind I'll keep the money and put it
towards like workout equipment and
things like that however Jen was still
doing her part like what she'd said
she's never changed her her her rules of
how she's doing it I've changed them but
that's because I was trying to do what I
write other people saying should have
been now I'm not gonna keep going back
and forth back and forth back and forth
trying to prove myself or say things
because you know at the end of the day
if you're gonna believe me you're gonna
believe me if you're not you're not like
that's just kind of I'm at right now is
I don't
I'm only say so much and either you guys
are gonna take it or you're not I mean
there's not any more that I can do for
that but I will say that originally I
was going to do the money thing and
that's what I wanted to do but I had so
many people on my channel giving me a
hard time saying that it's not right and
I shouldn't be doing that I don't need
to give my money away and so that's what
I decided to backtrack then when I
backtrack then I had a whole bunch of
people giving me a hard time because now
I backtrack so it's like it does I'm
damned if I am and I'm damned if I don't
like that's just kind of where I'm at so
I just said forget it fine then I'll
just keep the money and put it towards
my workout equipment and call it a day
like I'm not gonna sit here and fight
with people to try and prove a point to
them when my point is never gonna be
accepted so yes I did change the rules
or whatever but I also said that at the
end of each three months
I will pick a winner to win a $25 gift
card to Amazon and that still sticks
that's still I'm still doing that that's
not that's that's a given but the money
that I earned for my weight loss I just
decided to put that towards weight loss
stuff to help with my journey because
people said that they don't agree with
me doing it that other way so I just
wanted to also put that out there
because I didn't I didn't I I'm just
doing what the best I can you know and
I'm trying to follow along with people
but again I probably shouldn't because
at the end of the day that's gonna make
me look like I don't know what I'm
talking about you know and that's not
what I'm trying to achieve here so
anyways I'm changing things as I go
because I'm just trying to figure out
what what's gonna work thank you
what's gonna work for me at the end of
the day and seem legit like I said you
know we're doing our own things like
she's doing keto I'm not doing Kido I
you know one I don't understand keto for
the life of me call me dumb I don't know
but I cannot figure it out and to
I don't know I just whatever um I also
mentioned you know going completely
carb-free or you know white carb-free I
guess you'd say I have had people say no
and I've had people say yes the end of
the day I'm gonna just have to do what
is gonna work for me
and what's gonna help me get my life
back and so I don't know just don't want
me don't hold me to anything that I say
at this point when it comes to my ideas
my plans my whatever because honestly
who I'm working all the kinks out you
know the biggest thing is right now I'm
just I need to get moving I need to get
you know my body going my heart rate up
that's to me the biggest thing I don't
know if I can go I mean I just want to
go in this chick go taking off on me
or not I should have went anyways I'm
like I said my biggest thing is I need
to get my body going I need to get my
heart rate going
so I think today I'm gonna start slowly
but I'm gonna start doing some walking
in the house and if I think about it
I'll try and record myself doing it I
know this is only my second phone tripod
guides I'm gonna have to buy well
actually I might have to buy a third one
because the other two have broke I don't
know what is going on but my tripods do
not last for nothing so now I'm gonna
have to go out and buy a new tripod
because mine the legs snapped off of it
so if I can Jerry where you get some
ways so that way I can record myself
walking I will do so I think it will
benefit me to start moving and get my
blood flowing and I think it will make
me feel better so anywho I am going to
close you guys okay go girlfriend I'm
gonna close because I am heading back to
the house I need to get some stuff done
and
get some breakfast for myself it's
already 2:30 but I hope you guys are
just having like I said a wonderful
start to your eyes this week hopefully
it's not as ugly and gloomy as it is
here in my place but I will check in
with you guys a little bit later
hopefully today I'll have more to record
because I'm gonna try and bump my eating
up
so anyways take care and I'll see you
guys tomorrow